Endings and Beginings

I've made a promise to myself to get back to the world of the living. I am going to do that....I need to do that.

Since Jeff left, I've gone down the dark hallway of depression. I haven't physically gone to my office in over a month; I sit at home and work remotely. I've turned out the world.

Since he left, the TV hasn't been turned on except for an occasional DVD. We used to watch a lot of TV, but I just can't bring myself to sit in the home theater.

I sometimes just come home and sit...staring at the walls. I've even neglected the dogs....they know how sad I am.

At 51, it's tough to start over. Being gay and 51 makes it even tougher especially since I live in a seasonal community. It can be quite lonely in the winter. And there are no gay people around here either....trust me, I've looked for nine years.

I've considered selling the house. Jeff expects me to pay him money to settle the divorce. I don't know if I really want to do that but he wants to part as friends. So, I'm guessing he will settle on something reasonable.

I love our little home. It is a cute bungalow that needs a good amount of work, but it has charm. And being that we're 700' feet from the ocean just makes me not want to sell. However, there is a reality I am facing.

Do I continue to live alone, with little of no prospects of ever meeting anyone with LTR potential. Or do I sell and move closer to where I can be with others socially.

More later on this.

Catch up

I haven't written in ages mostly because my life is in turmoil.

After almost 13 years together, Jeff has asked for a divorce. In our case, it is a real divorce (a little more than 3 years married). I never saw this coming, although I suspected something was afoot.

As with most long-time couples, I guess things got boring between us. No one can guarantee 24/7 happiness but your partner says he's not been happy in five years, that is cold water in the face. And how does one talk to that to see if things can be worked out.

The night I arrived home from Florida, he told me he wanted the divorce. Prior to my leaving, the trip was meant to give us some time to think. I guess he was thinking a lot more than me.

He moved out in November....actually, he physically moved out in November. He really checked out a long time before then.