Endings and Beginings

I've made a promise to myself to get back to the world of the living. I am going to do that....I need to do that.

Since Jeff left, I've gone down the dark hallway of depression. I haven't physically gone to my office in over a month; I sit at home and work remotely. I've turned out the world.

Since he left, the TV hasn't been turned on except for an occasional DVD. We used to watch a lot of TV, but I just can't bring myself to sit in the home theater.

I sometimes just come home and sit...staring at the walls. I've even neglected the dogs....they know how sad I am.

At 51, it's tough to start over. Being gay and 51 makes it even tougher especially since I live in a seasonal community. It can be quite lonely in the winter. And there are no gay people around here either....trust me, I've looked for nine years.

I've considered selling the house. Jeff expects me to pay him money to settle the divorce. I don't know if I really want to do that but he wants to part as friends. So, I'm guessing he will settle on something reasonable.

I love our little home. It is a cute bungalow that needs a good amount of work, but it has charm. And being that we're 700' feet from the ocean just makes me not want to sell. However, there is a reality I am facing.

Do I continue to live alone, with little of no prospects of ever meeting anyone with LTR potential. Or do I sell and move closer to where I can be with others socially.

More later on this.

Update on Nicki's new car

Well, Nicki got her Spark-EV about 6 weeks ago. I saw it parked at the house and then it was gone. What happened was a Nor'easter: high winds and torrential rain being driven in from the ocean. Nicki lives across the street from the ocean.

It seems the manufacturer has a lot of quality issues to be worked out. Rain poured into the rear hatch onto the power supply and converter. Not a good thing. I guess there were other issues too.

So, the little green bug has been returned to the importer for a full refund. Not bad if the refund really occurs. We'll see.

Catch up

I haven't written in ages mostly because my life is in turmoil.

After almost 13 years together, Jeff has asked for a divorce. In our case, it is a real divorce (a little more than 3 years married). I never saw this coming, although I suspected something was afoot.

As with most long-time couples, I guess things got boring between us. No one can guarantee 24/7 happiness but your partner says he's not been happy in five years, that is cold water in the face. And how does one talk to that to see if things can be worked out.

The night I arrived home from Florida, he told me he wanted the divorce. Prior to my leaving, the trip was meant to give us some time to think. I guess he was thinking a lot more than me.

He moved out in November....actually, he physically moved out in November. He really checked out a long time before then.

Visiting my parents

October was hectic for many reasons, but mostly because I went to visit my parents in Florida - or as I call it, God's Waiting Room. I enjoy my visits with my parents for many reasons: we have lots of laughs; they just enjoy having me there and for me, it is being just being there with them

As their gay son, we had our time of estrangement. It lasted an unusually long time but somewhere around my 37th year, we established a bond greater than what I've even known with them before. Thirteen years later, it is stronger than ever. And I'm thankful everyday.

This trip was a bit different than previous visits. First, I stayed a full week instead of my usual Friday to Monday weekend. Second, it was a serious visit. We talked about things that made them uncomfortable previously. Perhaps they are still uncomfortable, but the manner in which they engaged in the conversation says otherwise - at least to me it did.

We talked about end of life legal matters such as their will and other legal documents, their health and family. These are tough subjects to engage my parents since they are very private people and don't like to think about this at all.

Overall, a great visit and lots of things accomplished.

Bryan's Visit

A blogger friend of mine came for a weekend visit just passed. He had been in NYC visiting with friends for a week or more and decided he should see us before heading back to LA.

Since his visit was so short, we headed to P-town so he could see what a gay mecca looks like.

Had a great time in P-town just wandering around and watching the antique car parade.

Here's a snap of us just before Bryan headed back to the airport. Gawd, I look tired.

Nicki's new car

I think this is pretty wild, but given today's clamor about alternative vehicles and energy sources, I'm delighted to know someone who is delving in.

Actually, I was pleasantly surprised to learn at a party last night that our neighbors, the Blanchard family, are all about reducing carbon footprint.

So, Nicki has ordered a Spark-ev vehicle. Spark-ev designs and produces all-electric personal transports.

The vehicle pictured here costs about $9,000 delivered to your front door. And, no, you don't have to put it together. It is fully assembled. Top end speed is 40mph for this two-seater although top speed is regulated by individual state law.

It runs for about 60 miles on a single charge and it costs about $1.00 to recharge the batteries in an eight to ten hour period.

Pretty cool.

End of Summer

Next weekend marks the unofficial end of summer here ... a lot of parties, people packing up their summer cottages, and getting ready to send the kids back to school.

It is ...

... our favorite weekend of the year.

It will mean ...

... peace and quiet, no more traffic jams, leisurely walks on our beach with the pooches, and the approach of cool nights under sparkling stars.

We will sit ...

... on our front stoop and wave to the summer people as they drive off. We delight in their departure.

It will be ...

... our beach once again.